Jacob’s Story
The beauty and grief, joy and sorrow, and lifetime of love in our oldest son’s life
We learned in August 2015 that our sweet baby (a boy, named Jacob) had a neural tube defect called acrania & anencephaly which prevented his skull, and therefore brain, to develop properly. [Please be cautious if/how you search Google.] The condition he had is considered lethal, meaning he would not be able to survive outside the womb for very long, if we were blessed to carry him and see God sustain his life until full-term. Either way, Jacob’s time on this earth would be short before God brought him home to spend Eternity with Him.
In the remaining six months of my pregnancy with Jacob, we fell more and more in love with him as we got to know his personality before he was even born. From laughing at the way he would hide his face from the ultrasound technicians, seemingly unhappy with others being in his personal space, to enjoying his “dance moves” whenever music was playing, we saw that his life was special and meaningful. At the same time, we anticipated what was to come – that likely those moments would become the majority of the memories we’d have with him. Jacob taught us that joy and sorrow can go hand in hand – they often do, after all – and that it was possible to celebrate our sweet boy’s life while we anticipated saying goodbye.
On February 9th, 2016, we welcomed our sweet Jacob into the world. We were blessed to spend seven hours with him – loving him, listening to him, watching him move, and making memories with him. Our families and friends were able to meet him with us as we celebrated his birthday so joyfully. After seven hours with us, we said goodbye – one of the sweetest, and saddest, moments of our lives. You can see the details of Jacob’s birthday, one of the best days of our lives by clicking here.
Our story now continues as we remain here without our sweet boy, who is basking in the inheritance that God has given him.
Living Jacob’s Story
Read his journey in real time…
Listen to me share a little bit more on The Joyful Mourning Podcast…
“It was such a joy to have him with us that day and then also on my chest again he breathed his last breath on earth around 9am and opened his eyes (for the first time) in the presence of Jesus. I was so joyful still for his life. Obviously I was devastated that we lost him but I think the worst day for me was the next day when we got home from the hospital and I walked in the door without him.”
Pregnancy & Infant Loss | Grief Resources
Over time, I’ve come to realize that there is both a ton of information out there for families experiencing the loss of a child, but also not enough. Quite honestly, we all have different journeys and a wide variety of reactions to grief. Each person’s grief is unique and different, and yet – there’s always a sense of loneliness and isolation. Here is a list of resources that I have found helpful and personally can recommend or attest to in terms of their helpfulness in walking through pregnancy and/or infant loss through the lens of grace, truth, and a lot of love.
Carrying to Term
Receiving a life-limiting diagnosis for your unborn child is so overwhelming and full of all sorts of questions and uncertainties. I remember not even knowing which questions to ask or to whom to ask them. It is overwhelming and blurry. Click below for a few resources useful if you’re asking these questions that I wrote in partnership with The Morning.
Community
The best advice I can give any grieving mother or family is this: don’t do this alone. Grief is lonely, and it’s going to be lonely, but you can find your people to walk you through it. The Joyful Mourning Community is exactly the group of women that I needed in 2015, and it’s a joy for me now to be their Community Manager. Click below to see what else The Morning offers and how to join us. We’d love to have you.
Books I’ve Appreciated
People love to give you books when you’re grieving. But not all of them are that helpful. Here’s a curated list of books that I’ve found helpful in the grieving process - primarily as a loss mom, but books that are also helpful across the board.
Donating Breast Milk
This is a very personal and sensitive topic and one that I know requires a great deal of thought and prayer, but also one that is not talked about too freely. I found milk donation to be a significant part of my grief with Jacob, but I know that every child, loss, experience, and mother are different and by no means do I think that every mother should prolong or donate her milk supply after she loses a child. If you’d like more information, I’d love to have a conversation and share resources with you directly.
